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Health and Wellness: 5 Tips for a healthier relationship as Valentine’s Day approaches

By Sarah Hilton, RN - Stage Marketing | Jan 19, 2022

As grocery store shelves turn pink and chocolatey, remember this: Heart-shaped chocolates and bouquets of roses may be nice, but romantic gestures don’t automatically create a healthy romantic relationship. 

In the lead-up to Valentine’s Day, consider doing something that will have a deep, lasting benefit for your relationship. If you’re a new couple, start your relationship with purpose. And no matter how long you have been together, communicate to solve conflicts, make time for couples activities, carve out your own space and show appreciation. By implementing one or more of these tips, you’ll find your relationship is sweeter. 

Start your relationship with purpose

If you’re at the beginning of a relationship, it’s important to be purposeful about moving forward. Do some soul searching before you commit.

“People may be able to boost their own relational, health, and well-being trajectories by more selectively choosing and investing in new relationships that are right for them and rejecting those that are not right for them,” said dating and relationships researchers Samantha Joel, Ph.D., and Prof. Paul Eastwick.

Communicate to solve conflicts

We all know that communication is key to a healthy relationship, but what specific habits should you work on?

Here are four communication tips from John Gottman, Ph.D., a marriage researcher:

  1. “Edit yourself. … Avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics.”
  2. “Soften your ‘start up.’ [Bring] up problems gently and without blame [so you can] calmly engage in conflict.”
  3. “Learn to repair and exit the argument.” Before an argument escalates, use humor, offer a caring remark, make it clear you’re on the same team, back down, or offer signs of appreciation. Take a 20-minute break if needed.
  4. “Focus on the positives. In a happy marriage, while discussing problems, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones.”

Make time for couple’s activities

As you work on a healthier relationship, you can become physically healthier together! Here are some activities to try:

  • Kayaking
  • Camping in the backyard
  • Ice skating
  • Gardening
  • Cooking a delicious, healthy meal

While you do these activities, consider trying some of these couples conversation starters from http://thedatingdivas.com.

Carve out your own space

It is, of course, crucial to spend time together as a couple, but it is also crucial to spend time on your own. There’s an important balance to strike, and it may change as time goes on and you are more or less busy.

“If the relationship is too close, suffocating even, then the couple [becomes] merged and there is little scope for exploration and growth, of other interactions, of missing your loved one and wanting to return, bringing new ideas and energy into the relationship,” said Alex Psaila, clinical supervisor at Relate North and South West Sussex, a charity that provides relationship support.

Show attention and appreciation

“Appreciating your spouse is a binding factor in relationships,” said Elizabeth McCormic, counselor at http://marriage.com. “Showing your spouse you appreciate and value them can be challenging; every person likes to receive affection and appreciation differently.”

The good news is there are universal principles for showing appreciation to your spouse that work no matter what their love language may be:

  1. Prioritize your spouse. When life gets hectic, set aside a few minutes each day to address the needs of your spouse.
  2. Spend quality time together. Put your phone down and show them that you value every moment with them.
  3. Express your gratitude vocally. When you’ve been together for a long time, it can be easy to take your spouse’s acts of service for granted. Be sure to vocally thank your spouse for what they do for you. 
  4. Truly listen to your partner, even if the topic is not interesting to you. As you truly listen, you show your spouse that they matter to you. Plus, you get to know them better as you learn how their mind works and what’s important to them. 
  5. Speak well of your spouse in public, and discuss issues in private. This doesn’t mean you can’t acknowledge to your friends that marriage can be hard, but your spouse needs to know that their name is safe with you. 

As Valentine’s Day approaches, consider going beyond a romantic date to strengthen your relationship. For new couples, start your relationship with purpose. For any couple, communicate to solve conflicts, make time for couples activities, carve out your own space and show appreciation. Then the chocolates and flowers will just be a bonus for a truly sweet relationship.

Sarah Hilton, RN, has 20 years of healthcare experience and serves as Stage Marketing’s director of advisory services.

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