Imagine this scenario: A student at your child’s school recently died by suicide. What is the first thing you should do?

First, it is vital to make the discussion age appropriate. Children of different ages have different levels of understanding. For example, a 5-year-old may still be processing that a person who dies will be gone, while a teenager might wonder what it means and how it affects them.

Aim to talk about what they are feeling. One of the most crucial parts of talking about suicide is that your child knows they are safe to feel any emotion. It is okay to feel fear, worry, or even no emotion at all.

A significant part of keeping trust and open communication between a parent and child is that they feel they can share their thoughts openly. To help your child express themselves about topics like suicide, ask them questions like, “what do you think about this?”

What if your child is experiencing signs of depression or suicidal ideation? While it is crucial to support people who struggle with suicide in our community, approaching your own child can seem overwhelming.

Even so, we might never know the answer and risk the child getting the help they need if we cannot ask hard questions like “are you having suicidal thoughts?”

It is safe to ask your child if they are thinking about harming themselves — it is more harmful to avoid talking about depression and suicide because it makes the child feel that they do not have anyone they can talk to when they experience it. Darrin Brandt, a licensed clinical social worker, noted that asking these questions “is actually the most loving thing you can do for them.”

Moreover, there are also phrases that we should avoid. Things like “just get over it,” “just don’t think about it,” or “it’s just a phase” are harmful to someone having suicidal thoughts. These comments do not foster empathy and close linew of communication. Instead, offer compassion and listen to what they are trying to express.

Some parents might wonder: “What if we don’t know anyone experiencing struggles with mental health or suicide? Should we still bring it up?” The answer is yes!

Talking about suicide before encountering it helps children know they can speak with a parent or trusted adult. They will learn that you are someone they can talk to about it.

There are other benefits of starting the conversation early! One key benefit is that it removes stigma surrounding mental health and suicide. Children will learn how to approach topics like these by how adults talk about them.

Darrin also observed that “Human beings are herd animals, meaning we do better when we are together.”

Truthfully, you will not have all of the answers. Each person can only be part of the support system for someone else. It takes a network! The most important thing is that your child knows you will figure it out together.

United Way of Utah County is on a mission to help every child in our community feel safe, connected, and confident. You can listen to our latest podcast episode at anchor.fm/everydaystrong (or on Apple Podcast and Spotify). Learn more about us at everydaystrong.org.