When your child is upset, do they resort to screaming and tantrums to express their feelings? Or do they use their words to communicate their needs and wants? Depending on the age of your child, the way they express their feelings could look very different. But eventually, every parent wants their child to develop the social and emotional skills they need to identify their emotions and express them in constructive ways. When you can have a conversation with your child about how they feel, parenting becomes much more pleasant and fulfilling. Furthermore, the social and emotional competence of children is one of the five protective factors identified by social scientists as leading to lowered rates of abuse and neglect.

No matter how old your child is and how effectively they tend to communicate their feelings, there are small things you can do now to help your child level up in expressing themselves.

• When your child is upset or acting out, pause what you are doing (if you can) to give them your undivided attention.
• Organize play dates with other children. If you need a place to meet other parents and your child is between 18 months and 5 years old, you might be interested in United Way’s Welcome Baby playgroups (find more information at unitedwayuc.org/welcome-baby/).
• Make a chart with different emojis to represent different feelings and hang it where you will see it often. With your child, practice identifying your emotions throughout the day.
• Ask your child how they are feeling and listen to what they have to say. Practice active listening by nodding your head, asking follow up questions and saying things like “I can understand why you feel that way.”
• Reassure your child that you love them. Hugs are a great way to do this!
• When your child expresses their feelings in a constructive way, praise them for doing so.
• Set a good example by expressing your own feelings without accusing or getting angry.
• Practice simple breathing exercises or yoga with your child.

Every child is different, and it may take longer than you expect for them to learn to express their emotions properly. Above all, try to be patient. As you continue to create a safe environment for your child to share their feelings, you will strengthen your family and help your child grow.