When leaving isn’t a viable option, children and one parent are usually left to suffer, often for years, due to the abuses carried out by the other parent. The rest of us can watch for signs and help those who are suffering by offering resources, support and a listening ear and voting for laws that will help protect victims.

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, thehotline.org, one in four women and one in seven men age 18 and older in the United States have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner. Cases of emotional abuse by partners show even higher numbers.

Leaving these situations is never easy. “On average, it takes a victim seven times to leave before staying away for good. Exiting the relationship is the most unsafe time for a victim. As the abuser senses that they’re losing power, they will often act in dangerous ways to regain control over their victim,” it states at thehotline.org.

In addition to being afraid of more violence, there are many other reasons why it’s difficult for a person to leave an abusive situation. One common one is custody of children. If a parent leaves an abusive relationship and the spouse gets partial custody, the children are left with an abuser much of the time without the other parent there to intervene. Many parents don’t want to leave their children in these situations. Unfortunately, family court judges often don’t take abuse as seriously as they should when deciding custody. Often, the rights of parents are considered more important than the safety of children.

Other reasons can include financial distress, hope for violence to stop, nowhere to go, low self-esteem, lack of awareness that the abuse is a criminal offense, no knowledge of options, lack of transportation, fear of homelessness, shame, cultural or religious beliefs, and not knowing which option would be best for the children.

Whatever the reason, what victims need is help. Watching for signs in our loved ones and asking them about what is happening is one way. While some signs of domestic abuse are more obvious than others, there are signs to watch for, including one partner exerting more control, isolation, extreme jealousy, the damaging of belongings, intimidation with weapons, threatening, demeaning, calling names and criticizing the partner. Victims might make excuses for injuries or try to cover bruises, skip out on planned activities or always check in with their partners.

We can also donate money, time or goods to local domestic violence shelters. Voting in local and national elections on laws that impact housing security, economic mobility, family life and women’s issues is another way. When it comes time to vote for local prosecutors, find out if they are tough on those who inflict intimate partner or domestic violence. If not, it’s time to vote them out.

If you or someone you know is experiencing intimate partner abuse, or to find out more, utilize the following resources.

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
• Utah Domestic Violence Coalition: UDVC.org
• The Refuge Utah: therefugeutah.org
• The Refuge Utah’s 24-Hour Domestic Violence Hotline: 801-377-5500
• Dear Utah: dear-utah.com
• Division of Child and Family Services: dcfs.utah.gov