We know, for example, that women typically use a wider range of pitch and tonal variation than men. Differences in how female and male brains develop influence how they communicate: on average, women excel in verbal tasks, while men tend to be stronger in visual�’spatial processing. This often translates into women using more descriptive language and men relying more on action�’oriented words. Research suggests that many females communicate to connect and understand, while many males communicate to identify and process. With thousands of studies examining gendered communication, it’s clear that biology plays a role–but it’s only part of the story. Once we understand these biological tendencies, we must also consider the powerful influence of socialization and cultural expectations. 

First, when boys feel something intensely, they often retreat–talking less or wanting time alone. Girls, by contrast, are more likely to process strong emotions by talking them through and seeking connection. Researchers note that, at least in part, differences in how boys’ and girls’ brains develop can shape how they communicate. 

As a mother of three sons and one daughter, I saw this play out countless times, especially during those car rides to soccer or basketball practice. My daughter wanted to unpack every detail of a difficult situation, while my sons preferred a quick acknowledgment–usually something like “that sucks”–before shifting to a new topic. 

These patterns continue into adulthood. Men tend to use more concise, direct language, while women often soften their speech with connecting phrases or qualifiers. Culturally, women have long been encouraged to be cooperative and nonconfrontational, which further shapes communication styles. Understanding these differences–both biological and social–can help us communicate more effectively and support boys and girls, men and women, in the ways that resonate most with them. 

Second, girls and women often compact their bodies–tucking in elbows, crossing legs, and keeping materials neatly stacked–literally taking up less physical space. Boys and men, by contrast, tend to expand when speaking, using a more relaxed posture and occupying more space. Research also shows that females typically display more animated facial expressions, smile more frequently, and make eye contact more often than males. 

These differences shape how we perceive one another, often without our awareness. Some of these tendencies may have biological roots, but much of what we see is learned through upbringing and socialization. Most of us move through the world unconscious of how our posture, gestures, and expressions influence the messages we send and the judgments others make. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy explores this dynamic in her well�’known TED Talk on body language and perception.  

Third, stereotypes often slip into our communication without our even noticing. Consider how we talk to girls: we frequently reach for adjectives tied to appearance–calling them sweet, pretty, or cute in their outfits. According to research, these comments may seem harmless, but they reinforce a narrow set of expectations. It’s worth pausing to ask ourselves: What language do we use with the girls and women in our lives? Are we unintentionally promoting the stereotype that their value lies in how they look? 

The same dynamic shows up with boys. We often praise them for being smart, strong, brave, or physically capable–traits we don’t always highlight in girls. When we consistently use this kind of language, we reinforce a different stereotype about what it means to be male. Reflect for a moment on the boys and young men you interact with. What descriptors do you reach for? Are you reinforcing a limited view of masculinity? As one professor at the University of Pennsylvania put it on a radio show, “We send boys a much stronger message about what a boy is and is not supposed to do. Boys are not supposed to play with dolls. Boys get that message loud and clear.” 

The bottom-line is that understanding gendered communication–verbal, nonverbal, and the stereotypes that shape both–gives us a powerful opportunity to do better. We can start by paying closer attention to the words we choose, offering girls and boys a wider range of affirmations than the ones culture hands them. We can model healthier communication ourselves: listening without judgment, encouraging expression in whatever form it comes, and challenging stereotypes when we hear them. And we can create homes, classrooms, and communities where every child is free to speak, move, and grow without being confined by outdated expectations. When we act with intention, we help build a world where all children can develop their full range of strengths. Our Utah children deserve this! 

Here are the links to the other stories in the series:

• Are there differences in the ways that girls and boys see the world?
• How boys and girls hear the world differently — and why it matters
• How boys and girls sense the world through smell — and why those differences matter
• Why boys and girls play differently — and why it matters

Susan R. Madsen is a Professor of Organizational Leadership in the Jon M. Huntsman School of Business at Utah State University and the founding director of the Utah Women & Leadership Project.