I awoke one morning feeling dead inside, defeated, and envisioning clearly how I might end the pain pushed deep down into the dark recesses of my soul. A simple, easy plan with never a thought for family or others. Just turn in that last assignment and end it all. Still in school, having accomplished nothing while all about me, peers were doing great things; still in limbo, living the wilderness years of fading purpose, dashed hopes and dreams. Left behind by those more deserving, I was done.

Fortunately, three angels stood sentinel, at the bottom of the stairs, at the top, and inside the classroom. Each in turn looked up, paused their ongoing conversations, to smile, called me by name, and asked if I was OK. How did they know? “I’m fine, thanks,” I lied, and went on my way. When I got back into my beat-up ride, the remembrance of their smiles and concern caused me to pause.

Voices: “come on now, drive, get the gun, find a quiet mountain spot and end it all.” Free now yet not, “those three, angelic smiles, three looks of concern, three times. Is God trying to tell me not to quit, is there still some hope to hang on to, some reason to try again?” Some far distant words well up, “when you are tired, feeling defeated, with every previous approach denied, try one more house, once more, try one more door.” It worked before. Try again? I think I must shake off the dust, look up, look up!

Five decades later, now, I can smile. Smile for the blessings of graduation, marriage, children, with flourishing families of their own. Thanks to three angels who took the time to see me, be kind, reach out. Try again, “once more into the breach,” with so much of joy just ahead. The night is indeed darkest, just before the dawn. Let God in, your brightest days await.

Name withheld

Ogden