This week, Salt Lake City celebrates the second foray into the world of Comic Con— learn about it right here so I don’t have to waste my time and considerable skills detailing it in full. Salt Lake Comic Con Fan Xperience (SLCCFX), as it’s being called, visits the Salt Palace this Thursday through Saturday, and promises to deliver massive levels of enjoyability and celebrity excitement surpassing even that of the Sundance Film Festival … at least for the nerds out there, of which there are many.
Because I’m a pretty big deal, an international sensation if you will — and you will — the bigwigs at The Ticket and the Daily Herald and The President of the United States (probably) arranged for me to not only attend SLCCFX this week, but they’ve begged and pleaded with me to conduct interviews, report about goings-on via social media, represent (with complete professionalism as only I can) The Ticket and POTUS (probably) and last but not least, show all the panelists and attendees why Utah is better than anything that’s ever been good … or something.
How will this be done? Please see the following list, and don’t you dare doubt me again, lovelies.
Gary the Unicorn will either attempt or succeed at the following things, during his tenure at SLCCFX:
• Gary will interview all types of humans, from the casual fans to the die-hard weirdoes.
• Gary will interview famous humans.
• Gary will appear in pictures, proving he is at SLCCFX and that you are not.
• Gary will (with the help of Casey the WonderHuman) take pictures and video of all things SLCCFX.
• Gary will wear costumed type apparel.
• Gary will be bringing Buffy Unicorn and showering her with gifts of lavish nerdiness, because Gary knows how to treat his woman.
• Gary will aid the commerce of SLCCFX and SLC by spending fistfuls of paper money (see above bullet point).
Gary the Unicorn will also attempt the following things, quite possibly at the risk of bodily harm from muscled, weapon-toting body guards:
• Gary will try to snuggle Counselor Troi for 11 minutes.
• Gary will try to create a secret handshake with Admiral Adama.
• Gary will try to plan an afternoon of target shooting with Jayne Cobb.
• Gary will bestow upon Spike aka “William the Bloody” the thank yous of 1,000 screaming girls for saving Sunnydale.
• Gary will do his best not to drool or puke on Captain Malcom Reynolds/Captain Hammer/Preacher Caleb/WhiteNoise2.
• Gary will do everything in his power to smell Commander William Riker’s beard and call him Number One in a flawless British accent.
It’s likely some of this will not happen. But that doesn’t mean that everyone attending SLCCFX isn’t in for a heck of a good time. The people that put together this event should be thanked and catered to, because there are droves of good, honest nerd-folk in this state, and by dang-it they deserve to party with strange special guests and nutball celebrities every bit as much as those in San Diego or New York!
Tune into The Ticket later this week for live SLCCFX updates (using that Social Media stuff: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) and for American Idol greatness articles as well … can’t live without those, right?
Next week you’ll get the full telling of my SLCCFX experience, and how I probably will have made the whole event better simply by showing up. It’s not bragging when your mom tells you it’s true.