1. Don’t fall down.

2. Be cool.

This past year I’ve kept count of the times I’ve fallen down. I know. I know. It’s dumb and something that an old guy would do. But, I am dumb. And, I am an old guy. So, it only makes sense.

Fall No. 3 was this past week. I tell this little story as a lesson. We were gathered as a family at quite a large Airbnb home outside of Kanab for the Thanksgiving holiday. We did some hiking and sightseeing. It was a great time.

You may remember that last week the phase of the moon was “New Moon” or “dark of the moon.” You may wonder why I thought it was a good idea to take garbage out of the house at night in the total darkness.

There was a light switch I could have flipped for outdoor lights. And there was a cell phone with a light in my pocket. But, in my mind, I knew where the garbage cans were and “I didn’t need no stinkin’ lights.”

The result of depending on my “knowledge” of the route to the trash cans was a spectacular tripping over some landscaping rocks. I survived without a major injury, but left a tiny chunk of the tip of my middle finger in the rocks.

I picked myself up, stayed cool (no one saw me – obviously), and with newly discovered wisdom, I turned on the light which is, as everyone knows, a feature of a cell phone. Feeling stupid (rightfully so), I put the garbage in the can and went back into the house.

I semi-quietly doctored my bleeding finger. I then attempted to get some sympathy from my family. The one who seemed the most genuinely concerned was my granddaughter Colbie Rae. She’s 3 years old. She gave me a big hug. That made the whole ordeal almost worth it.

The moral of this story is: Use common sense!

Together with me, repeat the following: “When I can, I will use lights in the dark. And, I’ll walk carefully wherever I go – especially in new territory.”

Also, this past week I was in a couple of conversations where the word “cool” was used. That’s not uncommon. What was a little weird was that the word was used so many times that it reached a point of heightened awareness (annoyance?) with me. I found myself waiting for the next “cool” to be said, because I knew it was coming. I wanted to start counting the “cools.”

I believe that the word “cool” is, in fact, cool – perhaps overused, but still cool. The word has been cool for many, many years – generations.

My wife, who taught linguistics at Snow College, tells me that “cool” is one of the longest, most enduring, modern slang words that has made its way into the English language.

Of course, there is slang “cool” and formal “cool.” On the old formal side of the word, we’re usually talking about things like temperature, or being composed (calm, cool and collected).

The word evolved in slang to mean that if something was cool, it was approved, or good, or good looking, or in fashion, or desirable, etc.

Since my awareness and interest in all things cool has been on my mind, I’ve noticed that I use the word a lot right along with those with whom I have conversations – maybe to the annoyance of those people. I don’t know.

I remember a cool (see what I did there?) Yogi Berra story. He was a famous baseball player with the Yankees. He was at an event and the wife of New York City mayor John Lindsay said to Yogi, “You certainly look cool.”

To which Yogi replied,

“You don’t look so hot yourself.”

That would be a sort of example of mixing old formal “cool” with slang “cool.”

I think I’m done with this subject for now. But, I’d like to finish off with my own experiment in the mixing of “cools.”

Here goes: My cool 14-year-old granddaughter Charlotte and I stayed up the latest (very late) of everyone one night over the holiday. I suppose we did that because we think we’re the coolest.

I thought I’d show her how cool I was by mixing a cool, refreshing drink recreated from my youth. I still like it.

Some of you have heard of this cool cool drink called: “Brown Cow.” Here’s the recipe: one-part cool Root Beer mixed with one-part cool cow’s milk.

(I suppose goat’s milk would work too. But then the drink would be, in my opinion, a not as cool version, yet chilled cool drink, named: “Brown Goat”) (Another cool and stimulating variation is “Black Cow” substituting Coca-Cola for Root Beer.)

My granddaughter was not impressed and saw nothing cool about trying a “Brown Cow.” When she saw the root beer go into the milk, she moaned: “Ewww – I’m going to bed.” My attempt at being cool apparently failed.

I chugged my “Brown Cow,” wiped my lip, carefully walked with deliberate steps down the lighted hallway to the bedroom and thought, “What a cool day!” — Merrill