Adapted from a recent online discussion.
My ex is getting married this weekend. While I no longer have feelings for him, I’ve been in a funk for several days and I’m dreading the onslaught of social-media posts from mutual friends who will be at the wedding. Since I am truly over him, I’m not sure what this is about — feeling like I have “lost” somehow? Ew. Any suggestions for getting through the next few days?
Sometimes transitions just suck, even when your part of the transition is only awareness of someone else’s transition.
Stay off social media — “no self-torture,” should top all our lists of coping tactics; do something that you reliably feel good about; and be glad it’s only a couple of days.
My ex just got remarried about two weeks ago, and I found out when a girlfriend texted me she’d just come from the wedding. While I’ve been divorced/single for nearly 10 years, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I’m still single but living the life I wanted, yet I, too, felt like a loser. A best girlfriend called me (not the one who went to the wedding) after I texted her my feelings, and reminded me of all the reasons he was a lousy husband. That helped.
But when I saw the wedding on social media — and I was terrified to look — I was cured. I could see he’d grown into exactly the type of man I was afraid he would and living his life exactly the way I was afraid we would if I’d stayed. I immediately saw I was having a much more fabulous life than he could ever want for me, and it took a huge weight off my shoulders.
— “Survivor,” lol
I am a young woman who has been fortunate and successful in her career. My yearly compensation is over triple what my husband makes. It is not my dream job, but it is challenging, stimulating, and rewarding for me. It is also grueling, nonstop work, and would be difficult to manage with a family. (I don’t have kids yet).
Any advice for thinking about and planning for a future with a family, while also being an ambitious professional, while also being someone who can see a day where she will want a break?
— Confused Young Professional
Maybe it’s an oversimplification, but the best advice I have for you is to save money like you’ll never earn a cent again.
Well, maybe not quite. Set aside a little for enjoying the spoils of your youth, wealth and autonomy.
Then stash away every cent after that.
You are likely to encounter tough choices in your future and thinking about them now can’t hurt, but maybe the single factor that gives you the most power over your options — and the one most within your control right now — is money. (Health is even more powerful than money, by the way, but less within our control.)
Save for future child care, save for future time off, save for a transition to a less lucrative career, save so your spouse can be home with the kids, save so you can.
Just don’t save so much that you mess up your someday-kids. Kidding-not kidding.